Erin Bowman Takes the Dare

Hi, guys! Today I'm tackling an entry from Kristen Lippert-Martin, who dared me to write my bio in the voice of a well-known literary figure. She gave me four different options, but this turned into such a fun exercise in voice, that I couldn't pick just one!

To begin, let's look at a snippet of my actual bio, as written by regular old me:

Erin is a twenty-seven year girl who likes to write. She grew up in rural Connecticut, where she spent most of her childhood telling stories. It is rumored that her first words were not "mama" or "dada," but "once upon a time." In middle school, when kids were going off to sleep-away camp for the summer, Erin was attending writing camp and penning short stories.

When not writing, Erin can often be found hiking, geeking out over good typography, and obsessing over all things Harry Potter. She drinks a lot of coffee, buys far too many books and is not terribly skilled at writing about herself in the third person.

Lovely. Now let's get to the good stuff. My bio, if I were any of the following...

Assuming you want to know, I guess I should probably tell you my name, and what I do, and how I got into this career and stuff, but truthfully, it's a long and boring story and I don't really have the energy to get into it right now. All I can say is I write. Have been since the day I could mumble "once upon a time." You probably find that lame. You think I'm lying. You think I'm the biggest phony alive. But who isn't a phony? Nobody, that's who.

So I write. And when I don't write, I obsess over pointless crap like good typography and Harry Potter and I drink a lot of coffee because it makes me feel somewhat alive, which is a blessing and a curse, and dammit, why am I still telling you all this? It's making me depressed as hell.

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The act of writing a captivating story is nuanced as concocting the most complex of potions. I've appreciated stories from birth; their beauty and magic, the power of convincing dialog, the delicate entwining of plot threads, the hypnotic effect of pitch-perfect pacing. I've spent much time perfecting this craft, but maintaining focus can be trying on occasion. Especially with all the imbeciles in the world fawning over Harry Potter. How anyone could love that spoiled, arrogant, insufferable excuse of a wizard remains a mystery to me. Even after all this time.

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The time has come to tell you a little bit about myself and the great honor it is to be writing novels for the masses. I pride myself on my utmost sense of style and impeccable manners--especially given my non-Capitol upbringing. Rural Connecticut can be full of heathens, eating food with their hands and exhibiting other vile behaviors. It's amazing I still have an appetite after my childhood there. But at least we had some delicacies. Like coffee and dessert. (Can you believe that some people are deprived of dessert?! The odds are not in their favor.)

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No measure of time with words will be enough, so I'm planning on writing forever. I can't stay away from books...Don't want to. The smell of their pages. The warmth and comfort they provide. I should probably tell you something useful, something biographical, but I'm too busy sitting outside this window, brooding.

Photo Credits: Holden / Snape / Effie / Edward

So what do you think? Who's voice sounds the most authentic to you? 

A big thank you to Kristen for the fabulous dare. I truly had a blast writing these. (Kristen, if you email me via fridaythethirteeners [at] gmail [dot] com, I'll be sure to send an amazon gift card your way as a proper thank you!) 

Have a great weekend, everyone! And be sure to check back next week to meet our newest mystery author!