Friday, March 23, 2012

In which Ellen embarrasses herself for April's amusement...

Two weeks ago, April double dared me to come clean about my Brooklyn fight story. The funny thing is that it isn't as much about me fighting in Brooklyn (which I did a lot of) but about how my husband came to nickname me The Brooklyn Girl.

Just so you know, I fought a lot growing up. I mean face scratching, punching, kicking, slapping, rip the clothes off your back fighting. (I never pulled hair but had an insane amount of my hair pulled out in various fights.) But none of them is anywhere near as embarrassing as what I'm about to share with you.

So back when I was dating Da Man, who would later become Da husband, we went out with a bunch of friends to a bar/nightclub. Da Man took his usual position by the bar while my girlfriends and I took to the dance floor. As I was dancing, a man walked by and grabbed my arm and copped a cheap feel of my left breast. Now I'm not what you call a particularly well endowed type of girl. And I'm pretty sure my left side is actually smaller than my right. So it isn't that easy to accidentally feel me up. If a guy wants to cop a feel, there needs to be some intent, if you know what I mean. So the raging feminist in me lost her mind and in crazy, self-righteous anger, began to punch the guy as hard as she could, and as many times as she could, knocking him down, and making him let go of her. Da Man reckons I hit that guy at least 10 times before he hit the ground.

Raging Feminist - 100 "you go girl" points vs Nasty Sexual Molester - 0

Ok so here's the other side of the story. Guy is at a bar and gets rip roaring drunk and accidentally staggers on to the dance floor, trips and grabs at a nearby girl's arm in order to steady himself. The girl is actually insane and turns on said drunken fool and begins to punch him senseless, even as he is falling to the ground. His poor friends come running over to his defense shouting "Stop! He was just falling! Please stop! He was just falling!"

Insane Girl - 0  vs Drunken Fool - 1000 sympathy points

Exorcist, Linda Blair

To this day, I don't think I've ever seen so many frightened men with gaping jaws staring at me. If my head had spun around and I had spewed green vomit, I don't think they would have been half as scared of me. And I'm pretty sure the only person laughing was Da Man. I distinctly remember him telling the drunken fool's friends not to mind me as I was from Brooklyn. To which one responded, "let's get the hell away from The Brooklyn Girl." And that's how I got my nickname.

Now that I've thoroughly embarrassed myself, I leave the floor to our newest member, Mindy McGinnis who will be posting her inaugural truth or dare on Tuesday, March 27th! Until then, hope you all have a wonderful, non-violent weekend!

20 comments:

  1. Ellen!! You go, girl. Way to show that guy what a Brooklyn Girl can do. Uh, even if it WAS a mistake :)

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  2. *Snort-- but hey, maybe that guy got help for his drinking problem because of you. Can you imagine the story he tell's about how he came to the conclusion that he had a problem? I'd like to hear that one!

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  3. I might have just fallen in love with you. GREAT story.

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  4. Brooklyn Girl, I love you even more now! Don't beat me up if I ever write a bad post. And I can't believe you used that Exorcist gif--I don't care if it's pea soup, I still can't sit through the thing.

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  5. LOL Wow. Just wow. :) For a minute I thought you were going to say that drunken guy was actually your husband. Glad you didn't beat up your husband.

    And that picture is scary. Please don't make me look at it again.

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  6. Haaaaa - Love this! And your husband seems awesome - Wonder if that was the moment he knew you were The One? Also wonder if those guys made it a point to stay the heck outta Brooklyn after that.

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  7. BAHAHAHA sorry Ellen, that's just TOO funny. Good going!

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  8. I figured I might as well share it with the world because I feel like it is Da Man's mission to do so. And yes, can you imagine how the guys tell this story? Remember the time that "Rick/John/Pete/ got beat up by the Brooklyn Girl? She was out of her mind!"

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  9. That was very satisfying. ;)
    Brooklyn is absolutely awesome, no?
    NEVER MESS WITH BROOKLYN.
    (sorry for the caps--they were necessary.)

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  10. Brooklyn Girl--I've got a pack of young Greasers that wants leading. I told Ponyboy and Sodapop about you, and they're all in. What do you say?

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  11. LOL--That is an AWESOME story. Go Brooklyn GIRL!

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  12. Thanks for sharing this story!!!! I totally would have done the same to that guy, but then I feel kind of bad for him... but he was drunkish right? So maybe he deserved it a little.
    Thanks for sharing part of your past!
    Alyssa S.

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  13. Hey, in a bar, on a crowded dance floor, totally understandable to drop-kick a man for touching you. As someone who's personal bubble is about three inches thick and forty feet in diameter, I revel in admiration that you actually had the guts to HIT him. Because I probably would have just started crying. Which I'm sure would have resulted in other nicknames.

    But yay, Brooklyn Girl! At least your husband knows not to sneak up on you now.

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  14. That is such a great story! I especially like it from both POV! You rock girl!

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  15. That is a fabulous story!! I love the multiple POVs. Next time I'm in a bar, I'm toasting the Brooklyn Girl, for sure!

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  16. I love how all the women are "you go girl!" for me! YAY! But where's the guys? What do you think there take on it is? Bet their too scared to even comment! he he...

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  17. Oh no! Poor, Ello! I have a latent berserker in me as well, so I can relate. There was one time when I was a kid and I blacked out in rage...during a relatively innocent water gun fight. That's right, water guns. Anyway, the consolation is at least you know you'd defend yourself if you needed to!!

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  18. Jennifer!!! I think you must be related to me!!! I dare anyone to mess with us! ;o)

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  19. OMG... that is hilarious :D I'm crying because it's so funny.

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